Thursday, March 29, 2007
Kakak, I respect for the fact that you've been nice to me and that you're older than me. But I suggest you listen to both side of the story. Even though my mom and sis has been talking
bad about him, after they met at the hospital, my family have admitted that they are beginning to sayang him. And one more thing. He has been talking bad about my mom, my dad and my sisters. I, Nuraini Kamilah, on the other hand, berani bersumpah demi Allah yang I tak pernah ckp buruk tentang Kakak dan Mama. Reason being I love u guys like my own family. Maybe I tersalah ckp pasal Papa. But that was at the spur of the moment and was because Andy has really really sparked off my anger.
Andy sendiri tahu yang I respect Papa. And for that, I am truly sorry and biar tuhan sahaja yang membalas my perbuatan.
Other than that, its internal relationship problem. By which I dont see why Andy have to settle it this way. We could have settled it together. Not use another person to get over one another. Thats not the way.
On the other hand, since I believe maybe Andy has really love her, then I would salvage my feelings just so that I can see someone I love be happy. I am not a selfish bitch.
The only reason why I posted the previous post was only because I am trying to get over it. Its hard. And I cant stay on sappy like this. That, is the only way I control my emotions before it kills me. That was the method taught by my mom who have adapted it from a Counselling Book.
And Ros if u r reading this, let me explain to u lagi. You can get to know me if u want. But its just not the time yet. I am still at the stage whereby I am trying to accept the fact that he has not only broken up with me, but he has also a new girl. I am not ready to hear anything from u yet. And to make it worst, u lied to me. So okay. Masalah pon dah over and we have make nice. I respect u for understanding my point and for the fact that u were sincere in solving the problem.
And please do not worry abt me trying to win back Andy. Like what I have said, in fact many a times before, if Andy is happy, I will be happy for him. That, is how far I will go for love. For the record, I understand that loving someone do not necessarily mean that I own him. But it means that I shouldnt restrict him to myself for he might have been suffering if he does. And for that girl, I hope you take care of him. Because if Andy is sad, I would be sad too. And Andy, do take care of her too.
And Kakak, I have never meant to hurt u or ur family. If i ever do enunciate that, than I am truly sorry coz like I said, it might have been sparked off by momentary anger. So , Kak Wati, Aini minta maaf sekali lagi. And I wish u all the best for your future. And I hope everything goes on smoothly during your special day.
Please kirim my salam to Farhan, Nana, Firdaus and Moksu. I really miss them. Tell them I said sorry too if I have ever hurt anyone of them. And especially Mama. Please tell Mama, Aini minta maaf kalau Aini pernah buat Mama marah selama ni. Aini betul sayangkan Mama dan Aini harap masalah ini tak bererti bahawa Aini tak dapat berjumpa dengan Mama lagi.
And Andy, I am sorry too if I have been one insensitive girlfriend before. I know my mistakes and I believe u have known yours too. I know you have forgiven me but let me use this space to apologise again.
And Ros, let's just forget what happened and be friends. Its no use arguing about problems which could have been solved properly. I hope you do not take it to heart and please do not assume that Aini is here to take him away from u. One thing for sure, I am not like that. And judging from the way you talk, you seem like a nice girl too. Andy is a good boyfriend, trust me.
As far as I am concern, I have said everything that is needed to be said. And if anyone is unhappy, well, I cannot say anything else. I have already picked myself up and am currently trying to run my life again. But it seems that there are many hurdles that seems to be preventing me from doing so.
To anyone else whom I have hurt, I am sorry.
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I have to make my special thanks to NaD, Aisah and Fz and especially Shallini. I really realy appreciate your presence and your sincere help to pick myself up. I am sorry if I have been moody in school, thus ignoring your presence. I did not do it on purpose, I just needed time for myself. But I promise, for the sake of you my loved ones, I will stop being sappy and start being my normal self again. I miss laughing my ass off with u guys, really. And NaD, yes the feelings mutual. I love you.
In fact, one love lost is not the end of the world. I still have all of you my friends and especially my family, who were ALWAYS there for me. Thank you so much.
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Allahummaftah alaina hikmataka wansyur alaina min haza ini rohmatika ya arhamar rohimin.
Ya allah ya tuhanku, bukakanlah oleh mu atas kami gedung rahmat-Mu. Wahai tuhan yang amat pengasih dari segala yang pengasih.
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Ya allah ya tuhaku, hindar kanlah diriku dari musibah dan gantikanlah dengan yang lebih baik darinya.
AMIN YA RABBALL ALAMIN.
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From this, there shalt be no more nemesis for friends r better than foes.
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
Monday, March 26, 2007
Hellooooo beautiful people!! Yes, I know I've been mentally missing-in-action even though i'm physically visible to u guys. Yes, yours truly was experiencing that period of time whereby everything in her life just feels so wrong..Apart from financial constraints and school-related problems, there was the boyfriend problem.
Actually, to be more precise , the ex-boyfriend problem. Well, if I am not defaming anyone here , but if it makes me feel better, then hey, I have the right to do so.
Let me just make the story simple here. A month before the block tests, i started getting busy what with the cheerleading comp and me being warded the hospital and me having a really really hard time trying to catch up with school work. During that time, I was at the brim of my patience and was always shedding tears almost every night. On the other hand, the Ex-boyfriend thought that I was not spending enough time with him.
SO yaddah yaddah yaddah. He kept quiet. Din want to tell me the problems and all.. And at the very point whereby I wanted to make nice and start paying more attention to him, BAM! He threw the bomb on me. He wanted a break up. And to make matters worst, Andy did it in the middle of my exams. Now, how cruel can someone be?
No, no. Its not the end yet. To really really make me feel like an animal, he claim to me that he actually have a girlfriend!! He admitted that he did not like the girl (well of course. according to his friend, the girl is freaking ugly and stick thin) he went on saying that he dosnt love the girl or have any feelings for her. Implying tt he is using her to get over me! And than, try to fall in love with her. I don't know if u see this, but its a very childish and selfish thing to do.
Yes, i was sad and depress cried till mata bengkak lebam semua. But thanks to Fairuz, Nadiah, Nisa , Fira and Aidillah who listened to me pour out my sorrows. I really really felt better.
But a special thanks to mom. For the Doa n e encouragement. I love you guys. I feel like crying now not because of *him but because I've just realised that I've been blinded all these while. Eveytime i have a problem, its my family and friends who were there for me. Not Andy. He was more absorbed into his own life and his own problems that he refused to see other people's problems.
And at the end of the day - this was what mom taught me.
I am better than those people who hurt my feelings.
I can live without these people.
I have the right to make mistakes.
Its your problem is you cant forgive me.
Even God forgives all our sins.
So what if he has a girlfriend, I am still better than her.
If he wants this breakup, its his loss not mine.
I have a higher education than him, he should be the one who feels the loss.
He hurt me a lot of times, he is not worth my precious times
So what if people treat me bad, I don't owe them a living.
So what if people hates me, god still loves me.
So what if I breakup with a boyfriend, I will find someone better.
And at the end of the day, I am going to put all my efforts into my studies and excel.
I will be earning thousands of dollars and be able to look at him and say,
"It was a good thing u left me. U might have been a burden in my life"
"It was a good thing u left me, I wouldnt have met someone better"
I am better than you, Andy.
I am better than her.
I, am better because when I fall, I pick up myself, not use someone to get over you.
Therefore, let me say this again.
I AM BETTER THAN YOU ANDY. IT WAS A GOOD THING U LEFT ME.
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
Friday, March 23, 2007
Kiwi Nadiah hairyyyyy... hahhah. ok people, please drain all your dirty thoughts down e asspipe.
I was just referring to her emoticon in msn which is kiwi shaped!
Today is one hell of a sleepy and slacky day. I slept at 3.30 am e day before and surprisingly I did not nod off during Econs tut or lecture. And now that I'm more aware abt teachers bloghopping on students blog, I think I shall not complain abt e lecture notes being too thick (eh? did i just contradict myself ?) here. On the other hand, the fact that I KNOW and I'm fully aware of the lack of revision that I did over the holidays, I think its time I start screaming at myself to study instead of the usual habit- contemplate. Ok. But not today.. (hahahaha.. another irony..)
Then again, to err is human, and to contemplate is perfectly normal. And dude, how can I be at home on a FRIDAY night of a testless/examless pre week?? I dun believe this. But its not that bad I guess. Afterall, I have the whole of today, tomoro and sunday to be sappy and indulge in self pity (this is getting saddy, its like babi).
Well, life's ain't that bad isnt it? I fall, I pick up myself. I walk, then jog and then run. When I fall, I pick myself up again. As for now, I'm currently walking and at times, much to my own disappointment, i jay-walked when I promised myself not too. As a result, I got hit by a bigger impact e size of lorry tong sampah. Ok. This is where my post starts to get incoherent and readers are already clicking at the 'X' button on e upper right hand corner of e site.
But halt! Before u go, drop me a tag lah deyyyyy....
Dun 4 get our dates k gerls. Izzati, Fyra and Ros!!!!
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
Saturday, March 10, 2007
don't tell me its not worth fighting for..
you can't tell me its not worth dying for..
... everything I do , I do it for you ...
Have you guy ever experience that time
whereby you read the papers and learnt abt a new word
and then for the next few days and even hours or minutes,
u noticed and read or hear ppl using it a few more
times.
Prompting you to think, 'hey, isnt that strange? i've
just leanrt tt word and I keep hearing it again?"
Is it just a mere coincidence?
Well.. just so you know,
its called e Baader-Meinhof syndrome.
And almost everyone experience it.
I tot i was e only one.
Interesting huh?
By the way gerls..
I know e secret of getting guy to actually fall in love
with you.
But ask me personally.
Else Andy might know my secret..
Hahahaha....
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
Thursday, March 08, 2007
We homosapiens are not put on earth
to repeatedly compare ourselves with each other.
Yes, to a certain extent.
Maybe to motivate ourselves to strive and be better individuals.
But we should STOP when comparing becomes excessive and
results in negative impacts.
Like repeatedly comparing ourselves to a thin person thus
qualifying as an anorexia.
Like repeatedly comparing ourselves to male models thus
qualifying as a freak.
Pls.
If you wont doing it for your own sake,
pls stop doing it for me.
Coz im all irritated already.
It takes just one more person to tell me that
being thin and prim and pretty is all it takes to
be happy in this world.
Before I burst into an irate person.
oh yah..
btw, e picture above is me when I was , in someone
else's words, prettier and slimer.
b4 i become UGLIER and FATTER and OBESE now.
So wat, u cretin?
I'm a happy person.
So shut up!
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Hello blogging.
After so many days of abandoning you.
=)
First of all, I wanna thank all you lovely
people who visited me in the hospital.
All you sweeties, Aisah, Nisa, Fairuz, Hafiz, Nad, Fas, Jasmine and Zheng Huey, Andy and Mizan.
and thnk u dinie for calling me.
Ros, Fyra and Seri for e lovely get well msges.
and obviously my family.
especially mak.
yg sampai penat2 jaga anak dier yg satu ni.
cant thnk u enuff.
tulah time baik tk ingat mak.. time sakit mak jugak yg jaga..
ishishish..
btw.
my stay in e hospital have been an eye opening one.
very eye opening.
e emaciated elderlies tugged at my heart strings
and i feel for them.
I do not want my parents to be like that.
god forbids if i ever leave my parents when they are at old age.
strike me with e lightning or smething if I ever do.
another eye opening event is when i had a brief encounter with some
insignificant cretin whom i shall not named for i want to belief that they
still have their pride intact.
Though I have this nagging doubt that they still do.
To make e story short, I don't dig into e past.
I have threw away all the debris of year 2006 and do not wish to revisit
e antecedent stuffs.
Yet. Some ppl pester me for it.
And when i give them what they want, they cant accept the truth.
So gerl, IF you happen to be 'jongang', maybe its time u
realise you shud pick someone your own kind for a fray.
Maybe someone whose had a baby at e mere young age of 19,
experimented a shotgun marriage and after a bitter divorce,
goes around looking for guys to (in your very own words) fuck around.
Yeah, someone exactly like YOU.
And of all the people, u picked Shahdan, my exboyfren
to be your steady fuckbuddy.
And still have e cheek to tell me im jealous.
Gee.
PUHLEASE...
Andy is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy much better than Shahdan.
Attitude wise. Agama wise. IQ wise. Look wise.
Besides, im in for a loving relationship, not a fucking relationship.
I wouldnt be proud if i happened to be fucked by a guy.
Unlike you.
You know those 'Malay Mats and Minahs'
whom ppl always mentioned.
About being a sampah masyarakat and menyusahkan
orang lain?
You've heard?
Well, YOU are one of them.
And that includes Shahdan.
So please.
Aku tk campur orang macam ni.
Btw, I and Andy are back together.
Its only for a short while tt we had a misunderstanding.
We still love each oth very much so.
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
